Am I a Magnet for Kidnappers?

I am not sure if I attract weirdos, or if they just happen to populate in the areas I also spend time.  A man with a white-blond ponytail and a dumb safari hat came into the liquor store and said something worthy of adding to my extensive list of "Creepy Things People Say When I am Trying to do my Job." 

I'm not sure if the wink was meant to emphasize the beer, or to allude to something unspeakable.

He then told a joke that I half-listened to and did not completely understand.  I gave a tiny laugh to which he said, "Well I thought it was funny."

Again, did not know if this was part of the joke or a sly accusation that I might not appreciate his sense of humor.

Guess what, guy?  I don't appreciate your sense of humor.

And then later that night THIS GUY came in.

Why is he laughing at that?  Is he planning something?  I have never before wanted mind-reading abilities so badly, as I do when I encounter weirdos.

I do not want to be locked anywhere with these people.  Because they will inevitably chain me to a wall.  Especially the one who wanted to drink beer with me.

There is no escaping this.  Probably.