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I love cheetahs and coffee and opening boxes.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Morning I Could Not Win

Last semester I had a class that was worthless.  The class taught me nothing and it was canceled more often than it was held.  When class was in session I sat in a corner half-asleep drinking coffee and playing Minecraft.

Worthless Class was at 8:30 in the morning.  I obviously signed up for this class in a fleeting moment of insanity (or prolonged, whichever).  I am not a morning person. 

One seemingly blissful Wednesday morning I got up really early for class.  Most of the time I would climb out of bed at quarter to eight and hope for the best.  This day, however?  I woke up at six and I even took a shower!  How productive of me.

I drove to class, ruling the parkway as traffic was going the opposite direction.  I pull up, get an awesome parking spot and pat myself on the back for being such a talented park-er.

It was eight o'clock, and I had time to kill.  So I look at my phone.

It's an email:

I grit my teeth and am thoroughly annoyed, but I take a moment and realize I don't have class.  I pull out of my amazingly close parking space and head to Dunkin Donuts.

Dunkin Donuts serves liquid gold coffee and delicious treats that are horrible for you, but awesome in every other way.  My choice to counter the horribleness of showing up to a canceled class by heading to such a delightful place was completely logical.

I went through the drivethru because I was feeling lazy and still mad.  I ordered an iced caramel latte, received it and paid for it and zoomed away.

I took a sip of what I thought would be a tasty treat and instead was struck with an awful, cinnamon flavor and what could only be burnt coffee beans and the product of sleep deprivation.

My next stop was the bank.  I decided to chuck the disgusting monstrosity that was shitting all over everything I loved in the world.  (The scope of things I love is exceptionally narrow). 

I had still not had my coffee yet this morning, and I was really happy when I remembered that the bank served free coffee to their patrons.  And I was so a patron!

I did my bank duties and then walked to their Keurig machine.  I turned it on and it lit up all blue and happy.  Then I put the cup under, hit the biggest size and waited.  It made a gurgling sound and then did nothing.  I began to panic. 
Eventually one of the tellers felt sorry for me and came over to offer me a hand.   I apologized profusely for possibly breaking her coffee maker and told her I was having a really rough day already and I needed coffee because the coffee I had put into my mouth before that was disgusting.  

She kind of ignored me, got the keurig working and I immediately regretted unloading my morning onto a stranger.  I made a cup of coffee, put that powdered creamer in it and decided I should give up trying to be productive and go home.  

Later that day I got a headache from not having enough coffee.  

I think the rest of the day ended up not being the worst day in history like I thought it would become when I woke up that morning, but it was an awfully jammed-packed hour of annoyances.  

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