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I love cheetahs and coffee and opening boxes.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

We Should be Nice to Robots

I should preface this post with: I LOVE ROBOTS.

The robot dystopian future is totally avoidable.  There are a few measures we should all take to ensure our inevitable (and awesome!) robot-filled lives are nothing but joy and fun and happy times.

First, all robots should be equipped with Asimov's three laws:
1. Don't kill.  (Dead humans are bad)
2. Do as I say.  (Humans like good listeners!)
3. Don't die.  (Robots are expensive, dead ones are a waste of money and pretty much useless)

But instead of treating robots like slaves:

We should treat robots like equals!

*I didn't write out the robot's dialogue because he is a robot who has mechanical speech.  Also, I tried really hard and it just never looked right.  You try writing "dominance" in paint with a track pad and make it look like a word.

If robots have our respect (and our love!) they will not feel compelled to take over our society.  They will live among us as friends.  This will also make it less awkward when I decide to finally marry one.

It'll go something like this:

Since robots can't feel love the way we do, my robot fiance will not know the right time to pop the question.  I'll have to do it myself, and I'm okay with that if it means eternity with my Prince of Hardware.  Also, he can't kneel.  Don't ask me why, it just doesn't seem logical for him to be able to kneel.

Robots would be the perfect husbands.  They would be loyal and do whatever you say (kind of like a golden retriever, but smarter).  So, instead of waging war against our robot counterparts, we should intermarry.  It is the only logical way to avoid a robot takeover.

In closing, examples of awesome robots that do not harm humans and are awesome:
Robbie the Robot (my main man)
That thing from Lost in Space
The Red Robot (Exploding Dog and Diesel Sweeties)
That guy Jo dated on Eureka (Not Zane, the blond one who died.  Spoiler!)
The robot that accompanies Robin in her music videos on HIMYM


  1. Your blog is AMAZING! I love reading it!

  2. Don't forget Rosie from The Jetsons!!! <3

  3. Sonny from I Robot!! Love your blog :)

  4. Dear trio of anonymity,

    Thank you! And you are so correct, how could I forget those two lovable robots?! Just more proof that our mechanical friends will do good to us if we do good to them first!