About Me

My photo
I love cheetahs and coffee and opening boxes.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

My Boyfriend Doesn't Watch TV Right

I am very serious about my television.

Television is to me what fine wine or expensive handbags are to other people.  I'm not sure that analogy makes any sense, but just keep in mind that television is my favorite thing ever.  Nothing surpasses it.

Not even people.  Except maybe the people on it.

Besides independently enjoying television, my favorite thing is to share my joyful experiences with those I love!  (Yay!)

When I show someone an episode or a clip I am no longer watching the monitor, but their reaction.  I am obsessed with gauging how much people like what I am showing them.

I like watching people smile.

That came out a lot creepier than intended.  Let me fix this.

When I show a person a clip and they look away briefly, I become very agitated.  

My boyfriend, Mike, does not understand my necessity for him to keep his eyes glued to the television while the awesome video I pull up is playing.  He is not a careful television watcher, which I find one of the most disgraceful things in the universe.  Time spent with the television on, but with eyes not on the screen, should be time spent thinking about how you should pause what you are watching because it is gravely important to your life.

I am not joking.

 Except, Mike does not normally get scared.  Mostly he gets annoyed and tells me he was watching the whole time.


What makes this so hair-tearing-ly irritating is that most of the things we watch together are things I have already seen.  So I know all the good parts.  And somehow, he instinctively knows when said good parts are coming up because he chooses these moments to get up and make a bowl of ice cream or talk over the video or turn his head into the couch so he can't see just to annoy me (because he knows I get irritated when his eyes are not on the screen).

Constantly, he is talking over major plot lines.  

This is not a joke.  Inattentive Television Watching (I.T.W.) is an unquestionably devastating disease and those suffering are a burden to their friends and family.

My suggestion is opening their eyelids A Clockwork Orange style and sewing their clothes to the couch.  I think it is our only option, besides death. 

Then, Mike and others with signs of I.T.W. will finally experience every, precious drop of genius imbued in the most important medium ever invented. 

1 comment:

  1. You sound like a bitch that needs to get a life. I don't watch TV at all. You seem REALLY lucky that mike hasn't just straight up slapped your shit for overreacting about the moving pictures on a plastic box. God DAMN...